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I guess I should start from the beginning; which would be when I was accepted to Algoma University back in November 2012. Algoma is in Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario, which is about eight hours from my hometown. At first I thought, nope, absolutely not, that is wayyyy too far away. But then I learned more about it and decided to give it a chance. In early November I took a bus trip with my granny up to Sault Ste. Marie to see the campus and learn more about the university. From there I was sold. I knew that was where I was going to end up. When we got home I applied and the rest is history!
Yesterday I packed everything I own into the back of my grandparent's van and we made the trip back up to the Soo for move in day. First though, came the goodbyes. I know I'm not going away to the war or anything, but saying good bye to my family was SO hard. Especially my granny, my aunt, and my best friend, Ashley. Let me tell you, I've been BEYOND hormonal the last week. I cry at everything. I sobbed like a child saying good bye to my dogs.
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| Beautiful photo montage of me, Ashley, and my aunt, Jolene. ;) Miss them SOOOO much! |
I always imagined the day that I would go off and start university. I just never really thought it would actually happen. It feels very surreal. I haven't quite accepted that I am an almost eighteen year old person and no longer a little kid. I am quite mature and I have pretty much been on my own since I was fifteen, but it's weird to find yourself sitting in your own little space and realizing that you call one hundred per cent of the shots. Maybe not weird...scary or terrifying are probably better words.
When my grandparents left earlier, after completely moving me into my dorm, I felt very, very alone. I don't know anyone here, I don't have a safety net. If I screw up, it's me that has to fix it. If I could go back and talk to my five year old self, I would tell her to slow down. Enjoy childhood. Being an adult is not fun, and you'll be one far before your time.
I guess today I just feel overwhelmed. Sitting here in my dorm I don't feel any more grown up than I did yesterday, or last week. If anything, I feel even more childlike. Alone in an unfamiliar place wishing someone was here to hold my hand and help me through. It's scary because I realize now that that is what adulthood is. Everyone is scared they are going to make the wrong decisions, but they make them because they have to, because suddenly there isn't someone there to tell you what is right and what is wrong anymore.
That turned out to be way more deep than I anticipated it to be haha. But that's what I wanted this blog to be about; capturing my feelings in the moment, during a time where there is so much change. I want to remember what I felt in this moment.
If you just moved away to school, maybe you understand everything I just blurted out up there. Or maybe you don't, and that's ok too :)
Anyway, I guess I should wrap this up. I'm hoping to blog a little more, but I guess we'll see what kind of workload I'm dealing with once classes start. Hopefully I'll talk at you all soon!
XOXO
Tori
